Parenting tips for ADHD: what you can do to manage your child's behavior
18 September 2020
Everybody knows that children with ADHD need special approach. Children with ADHD generally have so many difficulties in their daily life - we have written about it in our earlier posts. But parents must and can help their children overcome daily challenges.
Here we present our long-list with parenting tips for ADHD.
1. Don't take close to heart all the bad news about ADHD.
The first and the most important tip for parents that bamp into ADHD for the first time is don't take all the bad news about ADHD close to heart.
There are so many facts about ADHD, and most of them are depressing: inheritance, comorbidity, no adequate medical treatment… Internet is full of stories how hard to bring up child with ADHD. There are a lot of myths about ADHD.
At first you need to get doctors' consultations. You need to analyze your situation. And then you may do some conclusions and decide what information is useful for you particularly.
Remember: don't forget that your mood has a great influence on your child. So don't overload yourself with unnecessary information.
2. You need decide which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
A lot of things in children lives depend on their parents. This is not only about house, food, clothes, toys. It's about love, intimacy, mood… Apparently that parents must first decide which behaviors they will and won't tolerate.
This decision is more important if your child has ADHD. Of course, parents must stick to these guidelines. Punishing a behavior one day and allowing it the next isn't suitable – child don't understand it. At the same time some behaviors should always be unacceptable: physical outbursts, unwillingness to turn off the television when told to do so and etc.
Remember: rules should be simple, clear, children should be rewarded for following them.
3. Never punish your child for bad behaviour that he is unable to control.
Distractibility is a common symptom of ADHD. As we know children with ADHD don't comply not because they are defiant, but because they become distracted from the task. And such distractibility may be unable to control.
So, you mustn't repeatedly punish your child for behavior he can't control. Doing that you set him up to fail. Eventually, their desire to please you evaporates. He thinks, "Why bother?" – and it is a very big problem in the parent-child relationship.
If you want to help your child and to raise him successful, you need remind him what you want him to do, NOT SHOUT! It is the best approach in such situations, 100%.
You can punish your child when you are SURE, that he is being defiant.
4. Stop blaming teachers, neighbors, classmates for your child's difficulties.
Have you ever said smth like "If only the teacher were better at behavior approach, my child wouldn't have so much trouble at school?"
You mustn't say it, because your child will think that he won't take personal responsibility for his actions. Of course, other people can contribute to your child's problems. Teachers can get angry, classmates can tease, neighbors can laugh with a child with ADHD. But you have to teach the child to take responsibility for his actions, to try to make progress in his studying and relations. It is very important when children realise that everything in their hands.
5. Define the rules, at the same time allow some flexibility.
You know that it's important to permanently encourage good behaviors and discourage destructive ones, but you shouldn't be too strict with your child.
Children with ADHD may not adapt to change as well as others. You have to allow your child to make mistakes as they learn. Different behaviors that aren't detrimental to your child or anyone else should be accepted as part of your child's individual personality.
6. Make a schedule for your child.
Children with ADHD need routine. Every child needs structure, and child with attention deficit needs even more.
A lot of well-intentioned parents enthusiastically start out to establish the structure their children need. But yet many throw in the towel after a few weeks because the routines are not working –my child doesn't listen, doesn't want to go along with it. We have a battle every day since early morning. It's so hard!
You mustn't give up it soon. If you want to make structure truly effective, routines need to be seen not just as simple behavioral strategies, but as a way of life.
Routines affect ADHD-child's life positively: in terms of behavior, they help improve efficiency and daily functioning. Routines make daily activities manageable, allowing your child to focus on one thing at a time. At the same time parents and children experience decreased stress when there's less drama about what time you'll eat dinner and where you'll settle down to do homework. A schedule will help your child build a homework habit. By the way your child is more likely to apply herself to homework when he knows that a fun activity, such as playing a game or watching TV, will follow.
Many children with ADHD fight bedtime because, quite simply, going to bed is boring to them. Children with regular bedtime routines get to sleep sooner and awaken less often during the night than those without them.
Try to get your child into bed at the same time each evening.
7. Break tasks into manageable pieces.
This tip will help your child avoid stress. You can use a large wall calendar to help remind a child of their duties. Color coding homework can keep your child from becoming overwhelmed with everyday tasks and school assignments. Even morning routines should be broken down into discrete tasks.
8. Limit distractions.
As we know children with ADHD welcome easily accessible distractions. Television, phone, computer and etc. encourage impulsive behavior. Of course it should be regulated. Parents need decrease time with electronics and increasing time doing engaging activities outside the home. By the way, even others members of family or pets may distract your child's attention. You need explain it others and limit distractions as far as you can.
9. Go in for sport.
Why is it so important?
Because physical activity helps a child focus his attention, improve concentration, burns excess energy in healthy ways.
By the way, physical activity may decrease impulsivity.
Exercise may also decrease the risk for depression and anxiety, they stimulate the brain in healthy ways.
A healthy body makes a healthy spirit.
10. Encourage out-loud thinking.
The most of children with ADHD are hyperactive, they can lack self-control very often. As a rule they speak and act before thinking, they say or do something without thinking it through. Getting them to pause and say out loud what they are thinking is important and can have several benefits. Ask your child to verbalize their thoughts and reasoning when the urge to act out arises. You can understand your child's thought process in order to help him or her curb impulsive behaviors. By the way it can also give the child time to consider their thought, and whether or not to act on it.
11. Take breaks.
Keep in mind yourself! You can't be supportive 100% of the time -and it's normal! Everybody may become overwhelmed or frustrated with himrself or his child/children. Just as your child needs to take breaks while studying, you need your own breaks as well.
Scheduling alone time is important for any parent. Spend your time for going for a walk, to the gym, taking a relaxing bath or smth else that you like.
12. Calm yourself.
You can't help an impulsive child if you yourself are aggravated. Children mimic the behaviors they see around them, so if you remain composed and controlled during an outburst, it will help your child to do the same. Take time to breathe, relax, and collect your thoughts before attempting to pacify your child. The calmer you are, the calmer your child will become.
13. Believe in your child.
Your child likely doesn't realize the stress that their condition can cause. It's important to remain positive and encouraging. Praise your child's good behavior so they know when something was done right. Your child may struggle with ADHD now, but it won't last forever. Have confidence in your child and be positive about their future.
14. Be a good role model.
We know that parents are a child's most influential role model. That's why you need think carefully about your own behavior. How can you expect your child to exercise self-control if you're unable to control yourself?
Of course it's perfectly normal to feel angry at your child from time to time. But it's not OK to continually shout at him. You wouldn't dream of screaming and swearing at friends or colleges, so you know you can control your anger if you must.
15. Praise more often than not (by thetalbotcentre.com.au)
Most of the things said to kids with ADHD end up being around what they should or shouldn't be doing. And understandably, without your constant reminding and instructions they'd probably never get ready for school or do their homework!
But in the midst of the chaos at home, these kids typically miss out on the appreciation and encouragement that allows desirable behaviours to thrive. If you explicitly celebrate and praise your child for their positive behaviour you'll typically see more of it over time.
In making behavioural changes, we typically don't make giant leaps over short periods, instead we take small changes over long periods. You'll have to remember this with your child. Children with ADHD will still struggle to consistently perform the tasks you ask.
If we don't want our kids to give up out of frustration or discouragement we should be praising progress and effort, not perfection. And we must do it often.
Specific praise clearly communicates why the child isbeing praised (for doing what they were told, putting something away, calming down on their own, trying their best etc.). Instead of simply saying "good boy/girl" or "well done", you can start sentences with "I really like it when you…", "you did a great job…", "when you… it made me feel really happy and proud". Make a goal for yourself to praise your child 5-10 times each day.
Here we present our long-list with parenting tips for ADHD.
1. Don't take close to heart all the bad news about ADHD.
The first and the most important tip for parents that bamp into ADHD for the first time is don't take all the bad news about ADHD close to heart.
There are so many facts about ADHD, and most of them are depressing: inheritance, comorbidity, no adequate medical treatment… Internet is full of stories how hard to bring up child with ADHD. There are a lot of myths about ADHD.
At first you need to get doctors' consultations. You need to analyze your situation. And then you may do some conclusions and decide what information is useful for you particularly.
Remember: don't forget that your mood has a great influence on your child. So don't overload yourself with unnecessary information.
2. You need decide which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
A lot of things in children lives depend on their parents. This is not only about house, food, clothes, toys. It's about love, intimacy, mood… Apparently that parents must first decide which behaviors they will and won't tolerate.
This decision is more important if your child has ADHD. Of course, parents must stick to these guidelines. Punishing a behavior one day and allowing it the next isn't suitable – child don't understand it. At the same time some behaviors should always be unacceptable: physical outbursts, unwillingness to turn off the television when told to do so and etc.
Remember: rules should be simple, clear, children should be rewarded for following them.
3. Never punish your child for bad behaviour that he is unable to control.
Distractibility is a common symptom of ADHD. As we know children with ADHD don't comply not because they are defiant, but because they become distracted from the task. And such distractibility may be unable to control.
So, you mustn't repeatedly punish your child for behavior he can't control. Doing that you set him up to fail. Eventually, their desire to please you evaporates. He thinks, "Why bother?" – and it is a very big problem in the parent-child relationship.
If you want to help your child and to raise him successful, you need remind him what you want him to do, NOT SHOUT! It is the best approach in such situations, 100%.
You can punish your child when you are SURE, that he is being defiant.
4. Stop blaming teachers, neighbors, classmates for your child's difficulties.
Have you ever said smth like "If only the teacher were better at behavior approach, my child wouldn't have so much trouble at school?"
You mustn't say it, because your child will think that he won't take personal responsibility for his actions. Of course, other people can contribute to your child's problems. Teachers can get angry, classmates can tease, neighbors can laugh with a child with ADHD. But you have to teach the child to take responsibility for his actions, to try to make progress in his studying and relations. It is very important when children realise that everything in their hands.
5. Define the rules, at the same time allow some flexibility.
You know that it's important to permanently encourage good behaviors and discourage destructive ones, but you shouldn't be too strict with your child.
Children with ADHD may not adapt to change as well as others. You have to allow your child to make mistakes as they learn. Different behaviors that aren't detrimental to your child or anyone else should be accepted as part of your child's individual personality.
6. Make a schedule for your child.
Children with ADHD need routine. Every child needs structure, and child with attention deficit needs even more.
A lot of well-intentioned parents enthusiastically start out to establish the structure their children need. But yet many throw in the towel after a few weeks because the routines are not working –my child doesn't listen, doesn't want to go along with it. We have a battle every day since early morning. It's so hard!
You mustn't give up it soon. If you want to make structure truly effective, routines need to be seen not just as simple behavioral strategies, but as a way of life.
Routines affect ADHD-child's life positively: in terms of behavior, they help improve efficiency and daily functioning. Routines make daily activities manageable, allowing your child to focus on one thing at a time. At the same time parents and children experience decreased stress when there's less drama about what time you'll eat dinner and where you'll settle down to do homework. A schedule will help your child build a homework habit. By the way your child is more likely to apply herself to homework when he knows that a fun activity, such as playing a game or watching TV, will follow.
Many children with ADHD fight bedtime because, quite simply, going to bed is boring to them. Children with regular bedtime routines get to sleep sooner and awaken less often during the night than those without them.
Try to get your child into bed at the same time each evening.
7. Break tasks into manageable pieces.
This tip will help your child avoid stress. You can use a large wall calendar to help remind a child of their duties. Color coding homework can keep your child from becoming overwhelmed with everyday tasks and school assignments. Even morning routines should be broken down into discrete tasks.
8. Limit distractions.
As we know children with ADHD welcome easily accessible distractions. Television, phone, computer and etc. encourage impulsive behavior. Of course it should be regulated. Parents need decrease time with electronics and increasing time doing engaging activities outside the home. By the way, even others members of family or pets may distract your child's attention. You need explain it others and limit distractions as far as you can.
9. Go in for sport.
Why is it so important?
Because physical activity helps a child focus his attention, improve concentration, burns excess energy in healthy ways.
By the way, physical activity may decrease impulsivity.
Exercise may also decrease the risk for depression and anxiety, they stimulate the brain in healthy ways.
A healthy body makes a healthy spirit.
10. Encourage out-loud thinking.
The most of children with ADHD are hyperactive, they can lack self-control very often. As a rule they speak and act before thinking, they say or do something without thinking it through. Getting them to pause and say out loud what they are thinking is important and can have several benefits. Ask your child to verbalize their thoughts and reasoning when the urge to act out arises. You can understand your child's thought process in order to help him or her curb impulsive behaviors. By the way it can also give the child time to consider their thought, and whether or not to act on it.
11. Take breaks.
Keep in mind yourself! You can't be supportive 100% of the time -and it's normal! Everybody may become overwhelmed or frustrated with himrself or his child/children. Just as your child needs to take breaks while studying, you need your own breaks as well.
Scheduling alone time is important for any parent. Spend your time for going for a walk, to the gym, taking a relaxing bath or smth else that you like.
12. Calm yourself.
You can't help an impulsive child if you yourself are aggravated. Children mimic the behaviors they see around them, so if you remain composed and controlled during an outburst, it will help your child to do the same. Take time to breathe, relax, and collect your thoughts before attempting to pacify your child. The calmer you are, the calmer your child will become.
13. Believe in your child.
Your child likely doesn't realize the stress that their condition can cause. It's important to remain positive and encouraging. Praise your child's good behavior so they know when something was done right. Your child may struggle with ADHD now, but it won't last forever. Have confidence in your child and be positive about their future.
14. Be a good role model.
We know that parents are a child's most influential role model. That's why you need think carefully about your own behavior. How can you expect your child to exercise self-control if you're unable to control yourself?
Of course it's perfectly normal to feel angry at your child from time to time. But it's not OK to continually shout at him. You wouldn't dream of screaming and swearing at friends or colleges, so you know you can control your anger if you must.
15. Praise more often than not (by thetalbotcentre.com.au)
Most of the things said to kids with ADHD end up being around what they should or shouldn't be doing. And understandably, without your constant reminding and instructions they'd probably never get ready for school or do their homework!
But in the midst of the chaos at home, these kids typically miss out on the appreciation and encouragement that allows desirable behaviours to thrive. If you explicitly celebrate and praise your child for their positive behaviour you'll typically see more of it over time.
In making behavioural changes, we typically don't make giant leaps over short periods, instead we take small changes over long periods. You'll have to remember this with your child. Children with ADHD will still struggle to consistently perform the tasks you ask.
If we don't want our kids to give up out of frustration or discouragement we should be praising progress and effort, not perfection. And we must do it often.
Specific praise clearly communicates why the child isbeing praised (for doing what they were told, putting something away, calming down on their own, trying their best etc.). Instead of simply saying "good boy/girl" or "well done", you can start sentences with "I really like it when you…", "you did a great job…", "when you… it made me feel really happy and proud". Make a goal for yourself to praise your child 5-10 times each day.
